I had been stuck in a rut for the past few weeks. I had hurt someone, someone who once meant the world to me. I never intended to hurt her, it was really the last thing I ever wanted, but it still happened. I was now lost, stuck in a mental prison of my own creation, unable to escape the haunting thoughts of everything I had done. It seemed like my life was me just being unlucky from one moment to the next. Friends had told me that it would be alright, or that everything would get better with time, but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t think they could truly understand everything I was going through, and how much my mind was constantly tormenting me. I just wanted to feel alright again, to get back to my normal self, but I doubted I could, at least not anytime soon.
Fist indentations lined my walls, serving as a memory of all the anger and frustration I had let out. I collapsed in my chair, feeling utterly defeated. For a while I had been calling myself clinically unlucky, always being the one to get a red light at a crosswalk on their walk to school, always being the one who would put their shirt on backwards, always being the one who got their shoes soaked if it was raining, small things like that. But I wished that life wouldn’t take away this one thing. I was too hopeful that it wouldn’t. My anger began to build up. How much would I have to lose before I could win again? How much would life take away from me until it gave me something, anything. Why was it always me who suffered while the people who hurt me seemed to live just fine. I wanted to scream. No. I had to scream. But in the end, there was nothing I could do. Nothing. That’s what bothered me the most. I couldn’t change the crappy hand life had played me.
I was now so lost in my own anger that I failed to notice how my room had begun to change shape and melt away. I finally came to the terrifying realization as my chair too underwent a transformation into inky, crimson blobs before disappearing completely, leaving me to fall down a deep pit and lose consciousness as I hit the ground.
As I regained consciousness, I found myself in utter darkness, the only source of light I had emanating from the palms of my hands. As I slowly gathered my bearings and tried to pick myself up, a sharp pain shot through my side, causing me to grimace. My breaths came out labored and raspy, but the fact that I could breathe at all was a relief. Desperate for some semblance of stability, I reached out blindly, yearning for something to anchor myself to in this disorienting void.
Raising my left hand, I cast its feeble glow into the abyss that surrounded me. My eyes fixated on the colossal crystals thrusting up from the ground, their surfaces shimmering when touched by my light. Lurching toward the largest crystal I could discern, I leaned against it for support. The instant my skin made contact with its surface, a searing pain coursed through me as my brain was twisted and contorted across the cosmos.
I heard voices, all shouting at once. “The multiverse is a concept about which we know frighteningly little. In the multiverse, everything that can happen, everything that will happen, has already happened ten times over. How small do you feel now? You’re not even a grain of sand in a desert or a drop of water in an ocean. You could die in the next second, and you would have absolutely no impact on anything. The crystals are the key to finding out what could’ve been.”
I clutched my head and screamed. I began to glimpse fragmented images of people who looked like me, yet distinctly different. Almost like… alternate versions of myself. Was that even possible?
Then, everything stopped. No more pain, no more noises, no more other versions of myself. I was back on the ground, panting and trying to catch my breath. But now I needed answers. So, summoning every ounce of my focus, I took a deep breath and pressed both hands firmly against the crystal. The heavenly light from my palms grew until it consumed me and I was transported to a distant realm. I existed there like a spectral observer, tethered to this unfamiliar version of myself. He swung gracefully between towering buildings, adorned in a sleek black suit with a prominent white spider emblem wrapped around his chest. I gasped, and my counterpart mirrored my distress, clutching his head in agony. Struggling to maintain my connection, I fought to keep my perspective clear as the other me collided with a building and crumpled onto a rooftop.
“W-what? What happened?” he asked no one.
He slowly turned his head, the white eyes of his mask felt like they were peering directly into my soul. My heart plummeted. I didn’t think he could see me, but doubt still lingered in the back of my mind. I could still feel my hands pressed against the crystal, and I noticed that it had become slightly colder. I decided to remove them and I slowly drifted back into my old body.
A wave of relief washed over me as I shook out my arms and legs, reveling in the comforting warmth of my own body once more. With newfound determination, I turned my gaze to the seemingly infinite amount of crystals protruding from the ground randomly. I made my way over to a crystal that towered over the rest. I pressed my palms against the smooth surface and my light grew once again. I was thrown into a world that was immediately recognizable to me. It was a world of my own creation, one of many worlds I had built through my writing.
In this world, there stood a boy with golden hair, wielding a book that gave him immense power. His eyes crackled with aqua-colored celestial energy as he valiantly fended off the dark monstrosities that threatened the town he had strived so hard to build, and now to protect.
Carefully, I pulled myself out of this alternate realm and returned to my own body once more, savoring the experience. I was beginning to enjoy this. I darted toward another crystal, slightly smaller, yet undeniably intriguing, as its growth was still in progress right before my eyes. I pushed my hands against its cool surface and spiraled into a different world once more.
In this alternate reality, the other me stood at a desk with a lengthy queue of eager individuals lined up in front of it. Clutched in his hands was an object that looked remarkably like a book. I floated closer, my breath catching as I realized the truth. I let out what would’ve been an audible gasp. I had done it. In this world I had made one of my biggest dreams a reality, becoming a published author, and I was now selling my very own book. Tears welled up in my eyes as the magnitude of my accomplishment overwhelmed me. I couldn’t believe I had actually done it.
Returning to my own body once more, I simply sat there, taking some time to bask in the warmth of my happiness. I had done it. I had truly done it. Well, at least one version of me had. But if he could achieve it, why couldn’t I?
Overwhelmed with excitement, I savored the taste of my own joy, allowing it to flow through my entire body. So wrapped up in my happiness, I failed to notice the sinister force that had begun to form behind me, now slowly slithering its way towards me, tainting everything it touched. It advanced stealthily, extending its corrupting influence to the crystal I was making my way to which caused ominous dark cracks to form on the base. Upon making contact with the crystal, a surge of energy coursed through me, propelling me backward through the air. The malevolent entity took form and struck with a dark hand, slamming me through the ground.
I collapsed on a lower level with a sickening slam, spitting out a mixture of blood and saliva. I slowly picked myself up and gazed upward. I could still see where I fell from, but I had no way to get back up there, as the fall was from too great of a height. Scanning my surroundings for a means of escape, I found nothing but more crystals in the vicinity. Might as well, since I have nothing else to do, I thought to myself as I walked over to touch another one.
My mind was a mess, but I pressed my hands against a crystal’s smooth surface and focused. I began to spiral into a world vastly different from my familiar one. The landscape was rendered mostly in black and white, save for a few small details, suggesting that I had been sent to a different time period. The alternate version of me, to my astonishment, was a woman with flowing blonde hair, adorned in a glimmering red dress. She stood proudly on a stage while she sang to a captivated audience.
“Insidious is blind inception. What’s reality with all these questions? Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in… slept in. Broken legs but I chase perfection. These walls are my blank expression, my mind is a home I’m trapped in, and it’s slowly getting sadder…” she sang with a soothing voice.
Emerging from the experience, I felt a mix of confusion and wonder. I had always disliked singing, mainly in front of others. Why would a version of me choose such a path? I shook off these feelings, reminding myself that anything is possible here and to not think too hard about whatever I saw.
My search for a means to return to my original level and hopefully even escape this cavern continued. The idea of scaling the crystals crossed my mind, but the memory of the excruciating pain I had experienced earlier deterred me from taking that risk. Feeling defeated, I let out a heavy sigh and approached another crystal, now being driven by the hope that perhaps another version of me had encountered this situation before and could offer some guidance.
With a sense of resignation, I pressed my hands against the crystal’s surface, noticing now that the initial sense of excitement had begun to give way to tedium. As I spiraled into another world, my hope for finding an answer was instantly extinguished. This alternate version of me was a sports star, endowed with incredible speed, the ability to leap great heights, and the strength to bench an astonishing 1500 pounds. I was impressed, but left disheartened once again. I exited the world and slumped against another crystal. Feeling more defeated than ever, I began to cry. I desperately wanted to leave, to just go back to my old life. Even if it wasn’t the greatest at the moment, I still wanted to see my friends and family once again.
“One more…” an eerie voice muttered as some wind whistled through the cave.
Reluctantly, I walked over to one final crystal that had a certain warmth to it. It glowed a sunny yellow and had a comforting aura around it. As I stepped into the vicinity of this crystal, I felt calm and at peace. I placed my hands against it and slowly fell into a big house. I was there, but much older. I cradled a child in my arms, trying to make its crying stop. A girl walked into the room and smiled at the baby.
“Here, let me take a stab at it, you goof,” she said playfully with a laugh.
“This troublemaker is all yours,” the other me said. “I’ll be right back, I just need to grab something from the kitchen,”.
He left the room and I silently followed him. As we both entered the kitchen he turned to me. My heart dropped, did he see me? Could he see me?
“Things will work out, keep your head up, son,” he said in a soft voice. He smiled, and a tear came down his face as he exited the room.
I exited the world and fell to my knees as a rush of bad memories came flooding back. Failure, so much failure. Failure with friends, failure with partners, failure to not hurt people.
“How does it feel?” a sinister voice asked angrily.
A figure made up of crimson, bubbling ooze stepped out of the shadows. He took shape to look like a corrupted version of me. It was as if fragments of myself were there, but other pieces had withered away or were just downright missing, only being replaced by holes in his body. With each step he took more and more crystals began to shatter. A cacophony of screams began to play out, my screams. Different versions of myself from all different timelines. It was sickening. I clamped my ears shut to try and shield myself from the noise, but it wasn’t enough.
“M-make it stop!” I screamed at him.
“Oh, but I enjoy this so much!” he responded.
I tried to push myself up, but my legs were stuck to the ground, and now my hands were too.
“Wh-who are you??” I called out.
“Me? I am the sickness you cannot define. I’m the nauseating smile that lingers in the back of your mind. I’m all of the anger, hate, and pain that you refuse to show, but feel all the same. I’m your beginning, and your end,” he responded coldly.
The figure pressed on, advancing relentlessly, and a surge of terror coursed through me. It was as if an aura exuding dread surrounded him which caused me to feel an overwhelming sense of fear that gained an icy grip over my heart and coursed through my veins.
“Do you know how many people you’ve hurt?” the sinister figure asked me.
“How many people have gone to sleep crying, because of you? It’d be better off if you weren’t even around,” he snarled.
“Is that what you think..?” I asked him through wheezes.
“It’s what I know. It’s why I brought you here. You can’t live your life without constantly screwing up, and I needed a host to live again. I’ve spent years learning the perfect decisions to make and waiting for something like this to happen. I’m not going to let you take away this opportunity from me!” he responded, letting the fury within him just ooze out.
“Pass, giving over my life to a bubble crimson dude isn’t exactly on my bucket list,” I stated as I cut him off, letting the sarcastic side of me get out.
“You can play the good person card all you want, you can believe you’re helping people, but it won’t change reality, it won’t change how you know you feel. You’re weak,” he spat out.
I felt the ground begin to vibrate. Gently at first, but slowly increasing in its violence and power. More crystals began to crack and fall from all over the cave as the light from my hands grew brighter.
“That’s. Not. True!” I yelled as an explosion of light burst through the cave.
I was free. I began to run as fast as I could. I didn’t care about the threat of pain anymore, if I saw a method to get out of this cave, I would take it.
“Think of all the pain you’ve caused, think of all the things you’ve done wrong. All you ever do is screw up! You’ll never evolve!” he screamed while giving chase.
I leaped from crystal to crystal, a sense of urgency coursing through me as I desperately tried to ascend out of the cave. I pushed my body to the limit as the impending threat of the collapse of the entire cave haunted my mind.
“I know I can change!” I yelled back.
“Is that really what you think?! Or is it just what you tell yourself to feel better at night?” he responded in his eldritch voice, slowly becoming more and more distorted.
I leaped off the crystal I had been sprinting on, but I mistimed my jump and fell down, down, down.
Crunch.
With a sickening sound, I smashed against another crystal that was falling from above. The impact sent excruciating pain through me, and I attempted to clutch my side, but in doing so I came to the fearful resolution that some of my ribs had been broken from the fall.
Grimacing in pain, I spit out more blood as it filled my mouth with its awful iron taste. As I desperately fought to regain my footing, the hostile figure landed on a nearby crystal and cackled.
“Face it, we’ll never be enough. Not you, not any of your… variants, and certainly not me. We’ll always be the ones to let people down, no matter how hard we try not to,” he said in a bittersweet tone.
The crystal I was on smashed against the ground and I was violently thrown off of it, skidding across the ground before tumbling to a stop. The world around me spun, and I lay there, battered and bruised, desperately trying to get any sense of my bearings.
“You… and m-me… we’re n-not the s-same…” I spit out before finding the strength to get back up.
“You sick, pathetic fool. You don’t have the heart to change,” he retorted.
“And y-you don’t have the strength!” I shouted while I threw a punch at him.
It hit and an eruption of light was sent through the cave. The figure was thrown back but landed swiftly.
“Heh… I have all the strength I need! You just lack the will to truly change and come out of your rut,” he remarked while an inky tendril shot out from his arm.
I dived out of the way and ran up to attack him again. In my mind I was now done feeling sorry for myself. What I had done in the past was set in stone, but the future still remained open for me to write.
“Oh I have the will, but it’s you who doesn’t have the faith that I can ever be better!” I challenged while I smashed his face with a follow-up punch. Another eruption of light was sent through the cave.
“When will you learn, you’ll never be truly loved! No matter what you do, how good you try to be, life will always find a way to take things from you!” he shrieked angrily.
“Maybe I won’t be, but in the end it’ll be you who’s never safe,” I responded.
He shot another tendril out. I tried to avoid it, but it was traveling too quickly and wrapped itself around my neck with a suffocating grip, forcing the air out of my lungs.
“Might as well give up now, hmmm?” he mocked.
“I’m n-n-not running a-a-away. N-not from y-y-you…” I murmured weakly.
Panic coursed through me. I had to think of something to do quickly, but my mind whirled.
“You’re not a killer, you don’t have the guts to end me,” he said while he tightened his grip.
“I t-think you’re truly t-t-the o-one af-afraid here…” I wheezed as everything started to go black.
Summoning all the strength I could muster, I raised my hands and clutched onto the tendril wrapped around my neck. The radiant light emanating from my grasp intensified, growing until it became blinding. The sinister figure howled in agony as its tendril began to burn away, its cries echoing through the cavern. Just as his tendril was burning away, the disturbing entity itself began to as well, writhing in agony all the while. He dropped me and I collapsed in a crumpled heap on the rocky ground. I knew that I had to kill him, but I didn’t know if I could live with myself if I went through with that. Nevertheless, I slowly picked myself back up.
“The difference between you and me is that you’ve already given up. I can’t do that. I may have fallen before, but I always pick myself back up. I could never give up on the people I love. I don’t know what exactly happened to you, and I’m sorry it did, but living my life isn’t the solution, even if you think you have all the answers to whatever hardships I’ll face. So now, I’m gonna go back to taking the reins,” I declared as I dimmed the light and extended my hand to help him up.
Feeling the weight of what I had said, he accepted my hand and I pulled him up. We stared at each other for a moment, letting the silence of the cave overtake us and the weight of our shared experiences hang in the air.
“Isn’t it beautiful? Look at all the good the other versions of us have done. Think of all the good we can continue to do. Some of us may have it worse than others, but with a little hope, we can accomplish wonders,” I explained in a bittersweet tone.
“Can you show me? I need to know that everything will be okay before I leave,” he asked while getting choked up.
I gently pressed my hand against his forehead, feeling the cool and slightly slimy texture of his oozing crimson skin beneath my touch. Concentrating, I projected the happy memories I cherished, then going on to the happy memories of all the different versions of me I had seen experience. As I did this, I noticed a singular tear run down his cheek.
“Th-thank you. I’m ready,” he said simply.
I pulled him in for a hug. Something so simple, but it felt so right. It was if he just needed that little connection, that small touch of humanity he had clearly never received. As we held each other, the radiant light intensified, gradually becoming blinding once more, and then enveloping the entire cave.
“Everything will be okay, I promise. No matter what could happen, we’ll always keep our heads up, all of us will. We’re good at that,” I reassured him while beginning to choke up myself.
“I’m sorr-” he tried to get out.
Then, he was gone. No explosion, no anger, no pain, only a profound sense of peace lingered in the cave. I finally allowed myself to collapse under the intensity of my injuries and regain my bearings. The weight of the whole experience had overwhelmed me. I wanted to pass out, but the light pulsing from my palms had one more surprise for me. A bed of soft, budding crystals formed underneath me and raised me up to the opening of the cave. A warmness washed over me as I felt my injuries slowly start to heal. As I exited, the cave was slowly washed away and I found myself in my room once more, as if I had just woken up from a long nap. I picked myself up, and could swear I heard a familiar distorted voice in the breeze from my open window.
“Thank you for everything, truly. Because of you I finally feel free. I don’t exactly know where I’m going to go now or what I’ll do, but for the first time in my life I don’t feel angry. I can’t wait to see all the good you’ll do, and the good that all the different versions of us will do.”
I let myself bask in my achievement and smiled as I slowly exited my room, and entered the next chapter of my life. Whatever it held, I would face it head on and with a newfound sense of hope.
